A letter offering parenting advice to my older self and why I felt the need to write it.

A few days ago I visited one of my friend's house. She's a new friend and its only been a couple months since we met.

As she, her mother and I sat talking on the couch, I couldn't help but notice her mother's cold behaviour towards her. It wasn't just that her mother's behaviour was cold but I also felt as if it was harsh at times.

Since the day I've met her, something about her didn't feel right.
Though she's a very bubbly girl, there is an air of loneliness around her.

Some days later, in a heart to heart, she told me what all was going on with her, which was a lot; and for a large part of it all,her parents were to be blamed.

And such are the days which make me feel that the quality of parenting has the power to make one or break one. All of us are oh-so-familiar with childhood issues. People around us have them. We have them. And so, I'm writing this letter to offer advice to my older self while I'm young and my perspective is still that of a kid and not a parent.

To,
My older self,
Hi sweetheart! How are you? I hope you are doing fine.

I found out that you are a mom now! Congratulations!
How does it all make you feel?

Excited? Nervous? Both?!

I'm sure that by now you've probably devoured at least a couple of books on parenting let alone the dozens of articles you've read.

So here's what I want to tell you first. Relax. Period.

Here, let's do it now. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.
Okay. Feeling better?

Sweetheart, I understand that raising a child is not an easy task, let alone raising a kind one. And that you want to do the best job you can at it. But if you kept acting like this, you're going to drive yourself nuts. You're going to be a good mom! I know it and I want you to believe in it. Okay, honey?

Still with me?

Good!

Read on, then.

When your little one grows up a little, go buy some children's books. You started reading late in life and a lot of years were basically book-less. Sad, isn't it?
Books are magical. And everyone of us can do with a little magic in this harsh world.
Hey! How about you read those beautiful children's books again! With your children! That'd be so cool! (Giggles)

Ah..But I digress.

Back to the point.  Go buy some art supplies, a football, some musical instruments. Let your child indulge in all of them. That's how he will find his purpose in life and that is so very important.
Allow him to follow his heart.

They say a parent should give his child two things: roots and wings.
Give him some sort of spiritual knowledge, like your parents did. (I remember them taking you to satsang even when you were 4  years old!). That. And loads of love and time. That'll make sure that he has roots.
.

Make sure there's two way communication between you and your child. Listen with an open mind. Try and understand his perspectives, help him understand yours.
Don't be dominating.
And believe in him. That, my darling, will give him wings.

And yes, when you'll go to buy your child some books and all these other things; buy some books for yourself too.
Because you must keep indulging in your own hobbies. Why? Because darling, they keep you happy. And you can't really keep others happy when you aren't happy yourself, now. Can ya?

And you aren't thinking of quitting work? Are you?
I know your martyr tendencies might make you want to do it. But don't.
It's not just that you'll find it difficult to relinquish your financial independence, but also, chances are it'll take a toll on your emotional well-being. It might just make you sad. And we both know that you can be one restless woman when you are sad.
And who wants to deal with that?!

Work from home. Yes, you might earn a little less, but you'll still be earning.
And it can be done if you share your other responsibilities, you know.
Don't you try to do everything by yourself. Take help, okay?

There are lots of people around you who love you and they'll be happy to help. (btw I'm sure you married a great man and he'd help!).
Don't hesitate in asking for help, when you need it. Remember that.

And yes, I know that the feminist view is that the guy can compromise his career too. And I'm feminist myself. But I also believe that a mother's presence at home is real important when the child's young. When he has grown up, both you and your guy can make some career adjustments.Okay?

The internet is trolling with articles on how difficult parenting can be and I read this one article where a couple's marriage almost collapsed because of having a child.

Real sad!

And that is why I hope you'll make it as fun as possible. I'm sure if you do it with a lot of love; it'll be easy.

But remember, no matter with how much love you do it with, there are going to be bad days.

With sleepless nights and him endlessly crying, sometimes love is going to go right out of the window. And you might want to yell or run away.

I've seen this happen and I've seen mothers hating themselves and feeling guilty for not loving every moment of raising a child.
Overall, I'm sure raising a child will be a magical thing to experience, but it won't be all glitter and rainbows. Accept it. Don't be in denial about it.

So, no, wanting to go in a quiet room and to shut the door and cry because you're too tired, too stressed, too frustrated or too whatever; won't mean you're a bad mother. It'll only mean that you're human.

And most importantly, spend a lot of time with your child.
Read him bedtime stories, kneel down beside him when he comes from school and ask him how his day was and listen intently.

Be encouraging. Be gentle. Kiss and hug often.

And don't forget to tell him everyday that you're proud of him and that you love him and always will. No matter what. Unconditionally.

Okay, I guess I'm done with my ranting. So bye for now.

Take care babe. All the love!

Your concerned 21 year old self

Disclaimer: The words 'He' and 'His' are used for the child just for convenience.
They actually stand for 'he/ she' and 'his/her' respectively.

P.s. Writing this disclaimer just made me feel like a professional. Haha!