This is how I move on.
.
When I was 18, I fell in love with this guy who one day just disappeared on me. Like, 'Poof.' And gone.
And I kept needing a closure from him for a really long time.
I never got one.
But I did realize along the way, that the real closure was to stop needing one from him.
And in creating one for myself.
.
I thought hard. I thought hard as to why I loved him.
"He was perfect", I would tell myself. "You're never finding someone as great as him."
Now, I know. I know, that I thought so highly of him because I didn't think so great of myself then.
So I quite naïvely decided that I'm gonna become just as good.
.
He read a lot and I admired him for that.
So, I started reading more.
.
He was social and I was shy.
And because of that, I missed out on many possible connections.
I practiced being more warm and friendly.
.
He was an empath and was very sensitive and mindful. He would sense if someone was in pain and was gentle enough to heal it too.
.
I loved that the most about it.
.
I too wanted to live outside of my head and be present in my surroundings so that I could know if people were suffering. So that I could attempt at making things better for them.
And, I try.
.
A few men came and left after him. And each of them, but obviously, had good and bad qualities.
When I let go of those men, I would let go of the bad qualities and the anger and grudges too.
I would choose to remember them for the beauty they had brought, for the beautiful beings they were.
.
I realized that my naïve way to move on wasn't so naive after all.
It had a deeper meaning.
We don't just love anybody.
The ones we love are a reflection of our fears and insecurities, hopes and dreams,
are a reflection of what we want to become,
a reflection of parts we need to love more
and also of the ones we need to explore.
.
You see, we don't just love anybody.
.
So everytime these men left, I would think which empty space, which hole in my heart were they filling?
How about I fill that myself?
Which parts of me felt loved with a certain guy?
This would always give me a clue as to which parts I needed to love more, myself.
I would think as to what I loved the most about each of them.
I would think if I wanted to imbibe that.
.
You see, we're fed with notions that one day somebody else will fill the space between our fingers and in our lives.
But I want my two hands to be enough to hold each other in times of need.
.
You see, I want to come home to myself and be contented and happy about it.
Hell, I want to be eager and excited about it.
.
I want to fall eternally, beautifully and devastatingly in love with myself.
.
And I'm getting there. And every time, I'm on the road by myself, I realize that I've come to enjoy my company more and more.
.
We spend our lives searching our other halves, searching that someone..
who'd complete us.
.
But I've stopped.
I know now,
that I'm not a half
and I'm not a piece or a part.
.
I am a full circle.
I am complete.
Sunday 16 September 2018
A fresh perspective on moving on after a breakup
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment